The night was young and my Bees Knees cocktail from Bida Manda was fresh. Laura and I were excited to have a girl’s night out. She told her husband that he would have the whole bed to himself. It’s a rarity I make my way out on the town so Laura was determined we were going to stay out late. (You would think my married friends would be the ones who rarely sashay around town.) We bounced around Raleigh to some of the most unique cocktail bars like Gallo Pelon and Capital Club 16 to people watch and discuss life like women in their late 20's do. At one point we started making conversation with a man about my journey to India. Laura tends to know a lot of people since she is from Raleigh, so naturally she found other friends to talk to, leaving me to fend for myself. Talking about my trip to India is easy and fun, so I had no problem carrying the conversation with the stranger.
I'm not sure how long we were talking, but I could barely hear due to swimmer's ear. I basically would just nod and smile. The clock inched its way past midnight, and since I typically go to bed around 10:00 p.m. on the weeknights my body and mind were fading fast. When I tapped Laura's shoulder to leave, the guy asked for my phone number. Because I was exhausted, wanting to leave quickly and obviously not thinking clearly, I gave him my number (mistake.) I forgot about the exchange until the next day when I received a smiley face emoji from a random number. "Oh no," I said under my breath. I ignored the text until they continued to flood my phone, asking me to dinner and drinks. After a two week period, I finally gave in, hoping he would leave me alone after one dinner date. Why not? I love making new friends and learning new stories. The texts that proceeded however... well, I’ll just share them with you. (Y'all, what you are about to read I cannot make up. If I could, then I would be able to give Amy Schumer a run for her money.)
Guy: How about this restaurant on Thursday?
Me: Oh, I love that restaurant.
Guy: ok, great. Let me know what perfume you are wearing and I'll smell you out with my olfactory.
Me: *baffled* Ha. I don't wear perfume.
Guy: Even better. I still have your scent from two weeks ago. *insert dog emoji*
I was stunned. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. I had to get out of that dinner date. I did get out of the “dinner date” with the best excuse in the books. Naturally he was disappointed. For heaven’s sake, I didn't even know his name because I couldn't hear when he told me his name and wasn’t interested enough to try to read his lips. A week passed and I thought I was in the clear until I received the following texts to which I did not respond.
Guy: Dear Taylor...
Guy: You have the most amazing smile...you can block me now...Ha Ha
Guy: or not...
Guy: So when are we getting together.
Three hours later...
Guy: I wish I would have never walked into the bar that night.
I still did not respond, thinking he would get the hint. Isn't that how the game is played? You ignore someone if you aren't interested, not wanting to hurt their feelings. Apparently this doesn't always work. A few days later I received a screen shot of Open Table dinner reservations for two at a restaurant in Chapel Hill. I was extremely confused as I received the text at 5:15 a.m. Naturally, I didn't respond. And, naturally the texts continued to roll in. (Thank God I have unlimited data.)
Guy: Taylor, I like you 100%
Guy: So, it's your move!
Guy: Dear Taylor, how was your weekend?
Guy: I had a little too much booze on Friday.
Guy: Taylor, I have to honest. I have never texted to a girl before and reading all this texting etiquette online - timing of text, how to text, what to text, blah, blah... ;) I might have totally screwed up on all fronts. anyways, take care!
Finally, I was in the clear! The "take care" comment was him signing off, right? Nope.
Guy: Miss Taylor, hope all is good!
Guy: No Response...will wag the dog then
Guy: Check this out! Street Car named desire playing on July 26!! *insert link to website*
Me: That's great! Listen. I'm really sorry, but I'm just too busy right now.
Guy: ok, I apologize
Guy: Actually, I own that movie dvd. Just wanted you to check it out!
Guy: Did you think I was asking you out?
Guy: I already past the 3 strikes and out phase.
Guy: So, of ever we meet its you who is going to ask me out!!!
Guy: Miss Taylor! Man you have so much impact.
Guy: Check out this video on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQOnbp_DspY
Guy: It's so weird you are still in my thoughts
At that point, I finally decided to block his number along with his email because he iMessaged me from his email account. I needed to make sure I covered all forms of communication. I shared this with all my married friends and one replied, "Gosh, that story makes me so happy to be married." You’re welcome, friend. Oh, and to this day, I still do not know his name.